Unfortunately my income as a retail wage slave isn’t enough to buy a car – not even a shit one – so I’m stuck getting the bus to and from work whenever I can’t cadge a lift from somebody. More often than not its just an hour of quietly smouldering rage while some pond life or other is blasting shitty techno over tinny mobile phone speakers, or blasting shitty techno over tinny earphones, or an extremely fat man leans into me as the bus rounds a corner. It should be noted at this point I’m not sure if there is any other kind of techno than “shitty”.

Today was different in that apart from the underclass and their mobile phones that just refuse to run out of battery power, I managed to eavesdrop on a few conversations more than I usually would, but these were worth remembering because they were a lot more ridiculous than usual.

First of all, the granny in her 70’s talking to an equally decrepit friend:

“If I was going to kill myself, I’d use pills. I couldn’t hang myself. Think of the mess some other poor bugger would have to clean up!”

I think there needs to be a change of staff down at the Day Centre.

Secondly we have a cluster of underclass discussing the finer points of sex education, by shouting it across the bus:

“My mate tells us that if’n yer don’t wanna get pregernant (not a typo), just go fer a big fuckin’ piss afterwards like and yer won’t get pregernant because it washes yer out, like.”

“‘Ey really? I’m gonna haveter try that when I see my Tezza tonight, he can’t be doin’ usin’ a rubber fuckin’ johhny.” 

Neither of these two girls looked over 15. The part that worries me most is that these two will eventually be adults and will be free to roam around in public, presumably once their probation period ends. Both were also playing shitty techno at the same time, although I don’t know if that counts for anything. I think I need to invest in a pair of iPod speakers so I can drown out everybody else with Iron Maiden, or something equally loud.

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