Fun fact: This was originally posted over on YCNN before here. So good I’m posting it twice!
I’ve been planning on doing this review for quite a while now, but ironically enough it’s been the game itself that has been delaying me from throwing this review up here. Mainly because I can’t seem to stop playing it, no matter how much I need to get other things done. Like writing a review, for instance.
No matter, as I’ve beaten the to within an inch of its life, and now I don’t need to play the game… as much. Damn you, game! Considering my DS’s battery has ran out, while its charging I can finally get on with starting this thing.
I’m not going to bother including any screenshots here, as you can get far better grabs from Gamespot, or – shudder – IGN.
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OK so I picked this up a while ago, breezed through the easy stages, and had a challenging time but relatively trouble free time on the Normal tier tracks.
Until I reached the Final Track, Jumping Jack Flash.
Well. Whoever designed this particular level can go and kill themselves right now as far as I’m concerned for unleashing this monstrosity of a stage on the population. Seriously. The game lulls you into a false sense of security for the first two phases. It’s still a challenge, but nothing that an EBA player who got this far on their own couldn’t handle. Of course, it doesn’t stay that way. Oh no.
After you polish off phase two, You think you’re the goddamn king. You can take any combination of numbers this game throws at you. No sequence too tough, no phrase bar too long, no spinner unspinnable. Of course, thinking this way leads you into the unavoidable rapefest that is phase three. The game literally spews numbers at you with wild abandon until you either shatter your stylus during the onslaught and break down suffering nightmares for the rest of your life, or it rapes you so hard and so fast you won’t even realise you’ve been violated in such a heinous manner until you try to sit down. Then you feel the true wrath of Jumping Jack Flash. And that’s if you haven’t had a seizure already. I don’t even want to know what vile debauchery is inflicted on you after that.
Jumping Jack Flash is coming, and he wants your ass. For dinner.
I think this game gave me cancer.