Archives for category: stupid

Unfortunately my income as a retail wage slave isn’t enough to buy a car – not even a shit one – so I’m stuck getting the bus to and from work whenever I can’t cadge a lift from somebody. More often than not its just an hour of quietly smouldering rage while some pond life or other is blasting shitty techno over tinny mobile phone speakers, or blasting shitty techno over tinny earphones, or an extremely fat man leans into me as the bus rounds a corner. It should be noted at this point I’m not sure if there is any other kind of techno than “shitty”.

Today was different in that apart from the underclass and their mobile phones that just refuse to run out of battery power, I managed to eavesdrop on a few conversations more than I usually would, but these were worth remembering because they were a lot more ridiculous than usual.

First of all, the granny in her 70’s talking to an equally decrepit friend:

“If I was going to kill myself, I’d use pills. I couldn’t hang myself. Think of the mess some other poor bugger would have to clean up!”

I think there needs to be a change of staff down at the Day Centre.

Secondly we have a cluster of underclass discussing the finer points of sex education, by shouting it across the bus:

“My mate tells us that if’n yer don’t wanna get pregernant (not a typo), just go fer a big fuckin’ piss afterwards like and yer won’t get pregernant because it washes yer out, like.”

“‘Ey really? I’m gonna haveter try that when I see my Tezza tonight, he can’t be doin’ usin’ a rubber fuckin’ johhny.” 

Neither of these two girls looked over 15. The part that worries me most is that these two will eventually be adults and will be free to roam around in public, presumably once their probation period ends. Both were also playing shitty techno at the same time, although I don’t know if that counts for anything. I think I need to invest in a pair of iPod speakers so I can drown out everybody else with Iron Maiden, or something equally loud.

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“A man wearing a T-shirt depicting a cartoon character holding a gun was stopped from boarding a flight by the security at Heathrow’s Terminal 5.”

This country.

Every day, I am filled with wonder at how stupid people, organisations, and various other things and such can be.

Did I say “wonder”? What I really meant to say was “loathing”.

I never fail to be surprised at the incredibly strange decisions that Homebase makes sometimes constantly.

Guess what we’ve just got in stock today to be saved in the warehouse.

That’s right, Christmas Trees!

What the fuck Homebase, Its not even the end of September yet! The first floor of the warehouse is literally filled to the brim with trees, with no room for anything else up there. I also know for a fact that the majority of customers will only buy trees a few weeks before Christmas, or afterwards, because around those times you can usually get some insane prices on usually expensive gear. Last year, we were selling off 6ft fibre optic trees for £4. £4! £4. No wonder you aren’t making any goddamn money.

So for anybody wanting to buy Christmas trees at Homebase (not likely for any readers here, but you never know), leave it until a few weeks before. These are valuable tips from insiders, you know!

Long time no post, apparently. Blame that on work. I blame a lot of things on it, myself.

OK, so a few days ago we got the results for last months “Mystery Shopper” surveys. Basically if you don’t know what these are, its where some person wanders around as a customer taking note of whether they get good service or not, basically. There’s not really much more to it than that.

Back onto the topic at hand, we got the results and they were decidedly average. They found problems with the four areas they look at, which would be the exterior of the store and the front end area, two questions to shopfloor staff, and the checkout process. I didn’t pay too much attention to the shopfloor because that was OK, on the whole. Now, regarding the tills and customer service, this is where the bulk of the problems were.

The short story is that on the tills, the cashier only offered basic service, didn’t talk much to customers outside of basic service lines, and didn’t ask for the loyalty card. This was pretty much how it went on the customer  service desk, for the record. Also, no smiles were offered.

Sounds pretty bad, right? Well. Don’t jump to conclusions just yet. Lets look at the other side of the story for a moment here.

What this survey fails to mention is that there were no other till trained staff available on that day, due to holidays, sick notes, and what have you. Same story with the customer services. So basically, for what constituted 95% of the working day there was only one person manning each area. Of course, on Sundays – the day the Mystery Shopper was in – it gets busy. Take both these things into account, and what do you get? Long queues and waiting times. Feel free to throw in the random occurrences of barcodes not scanning, tills crashing, and a whole host of other things. So all in all, the staff were stressed.

This leads to an unescapable catch 22 situation. Either the staff follow all the guidelines, score the marks on service and lose out on speed of service, or serve people at full pelt and discount the “extended” service marks until the queues subside. Normally more staff would be thrown into the fray, but of course today that wasn’t an option, considering there weren’t any.

Of course, after results are in this leads to a high speed buck passing regarding who is really at fault here. The managers, who fail to ensure the proper staff and relief staff are available, or the staff for not providing the proper service?

Also not smiling. Maybe now it should be clear why we weren’t.

Either I’m incredibly stupid or remarkably patient for staying in this job for four and a half years.

OK so I picked this up a while ago, breezed through the easy stages, and had a challenging time but relatively trouble free time on the Normal tier tracks.

Until I reached the Final Track, Jumping Jack Flash.

Well. Whoever designed this particular level can go and kill themselves right now as far as I’m concerned for unleashing this monstrosity of a stage on the population. Seriously. The game lulls you into a false sense of security for the first two phases. It’s still a challenge, but nothing that an EBA player who got this far on their own couldn’t handle. Of course, it doesn’t stay that way. Oh no.

After you polish off phase two, You think you’re the goddamn king. You can take any combination of numbers this game throws at you. No sequence  too tough, no phrase bar too long, no spinner unspinnable. Of course, thinking this way leads you into the unavoidable rapefest that is phase three. The game literally spews numbers at you with wild abandon until you either shatter your stylus during the onslaught and break down suffering nightmares for the rest of your life, or it rapes you so hard and so fast you won’t even realise you’ve been violated in such a heinous manner until you try to sit down. Then you feel the true wrath of Jumping Jack Flash. And that’s if you haven’t had a seizure already. I don’t even want to know what vile debauchery is inflicted on you after that.

Jumping Jack Flash is coming, and he wants your ass. For dinner.

I think this game gave me cancer.

Just a little heads up here, for those of you who may be thinking of buying Mario Strikers Charged hoping to get some intercontinental matchups going. Sounds pretty cool, right? Yeah.

Nintendo dropped the ball with internets play by not allowing EU and US – and I’m assuming other regions – to play matches against each other. As far as I’m aware here, lag is a total non-issue as I’m certain Xbox Live can do these international matches without breaking a sweat.

And Friend Codes! Don’t forget Friend codes!  Because using your Wii code – that is, a code unique to each Wii console, much like an Xbox Live Gamertag – would totally be impractical and inconvenient for passing around for netplay purposes, right?

Well, no. Not really.

I hope this isn’t going to be the standard for future Wifi Games. Not sure if this is the same deal with Pokeymans, because thats not out on Wii here yet.

Here’s a question for you:

Say you’re working in a DIY store, on a busy Saturday. You have four available checkouts. How many will be manned?

Protip: The answer is less than two.

This post is brought to you by idiot managers who let all the weekend cashiers book their holidays on the same day.

I also noticed a lot of my work related posts are filed in “stupid” as well as “work”. I’m seeing a connection forming.

I’m not sure if this is any more or less stupid than the last Second Life post I threw on here. It certainly ranks among the stranger things I’ve heard that go on in there. Discounting the rampant sex, and the furries of course. They may or may not be connected. Nevertheless, link and select excerpts follow.

The Sad and Twisted Saga of a Political Consultant’s Battle With Nintendo’s Kirby

As political scandals go, this was an odd one. Gaming blogs were buzzing last week with reports of a bizarre incident involving the staff member of a U.S. Senator who (allegedly in a drunken rage) used a plot of land in Second Life to build an offensive display of protest against a fluffy pink video game character known as Kirby.
* * *
At some point Lego got the bright idea to use his land to build a kind of weird monument protesting Kirby. He constructed a huge house-like structure made of signs depicting Kirby as a little pink nazi, raising an arm in salute to Adolph Hitler. The pictures I’ve seen are a bit fuzzy, but Kirby appears to have a little red swastika on his chest. Over Kirby’s head the signs read “Kirby Hates our Troops”.
* * *
It was only a matter of time before Lego’s protest was discovered by IntLibber, who promptly contacted Linden Lab to report the display of “broadly offensive material”. IntLibber also confiscated Lego’s land in the process. If nothing else, Lego succeeded in ridding himself of his problem land — at a 100% loss.

This past week IntLibber was still playing the race card. During our interview he told me, “I have to say that while some people in RL may think this is a oddball comedic story, replace “Kirby” with “african american” and the story becomes far more clear.”

…Does it?

I’m at a complete loss here for anything relevant to say. Considering my normal capacity for verbal diarrhea this is most strange.

Right now I’m questioning whether or not its in my best interests to a register Second Life account, if only for a source of posting material. Lets face it, there certainly doesn’t seem to be a shortage of stupid things and / or people on there to mock endlessly.

But not because it sucks more than a black hole, because a top player in Brazil was threatened with death unless they gave up their Gunbound account.

Also they were selling this account for $8,000.

Correct me if I’m making any rash judgments here, but you’d have to pretty mentally deficient to buy a Gunbound account for $8,000. I won’t go into how much of a mentalist you have to be to play it for that long in the first place. Ok, I will. A big mentalist.

Only on the Internet!

As I may or may not have mentioned on here, I work in Homebase, which is something like the 2nd or 3rd most popular DIY store in the UK.  I know I didn’t mention that last bit. Quite how they managed this considering how they run the place is beyond me.

More jabbering after the cut.

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